Write Like A Mother: Advice
It can be overwhelming, writing and parenting. There never seems to be enough time or energy to do it all. And unfortunately, that’s just the way it is. But the moms who answered my questions had some really great advice no matter what stage you are in.
Do you have any advice for writers who want to become parents or parents who want to become writers?
Creative work is real work. Having a parent who has a dream and works hard toward it is a GOOD thing for kids. Let them see. Let them know. The successes, the rejections, the process. Everything. Put them on your team, and tell them “I need your help to do this thing that I care so much about. I can’t do it without you.”
Telling kids, “I’m writing. I will help you when I’m done” (or “in an hour” or whatever) is NOT selfish. It is NOT bad for them. In fact it is GOOD for them. Middle class American moms I think have this idea that the ideal mom puts her kids first every time, all the time. She drops everything for their every need. This is a) impossible, and b) bad for kids. You know what’s good? Independence (appropriate to age and ability). Self-efficacy. Feeling like they are helping. And having a parent who is a role model for working hard toward a dream.
Sara Read (Twitter: @sarareadauthor)
For writers, who want to become parents, DO IT! There is never a good time, so do it. Kids aren’t an obstacle or something to be put off. They are part of life and can only bring positives. Parents wanting to become writers, DO IT! Depending on the age and personality of the kid, you’ll have to figure out what works for you. Perhaps not writing novels during tot years, but you can begin learning craft, jotting notes, pacing yourself. It’s so much easier when they’re in school, barring any dystopian scenarios.
Twitter: @julietwildeside
Just know that you aren’t a bad parent to want to have a life outside your kid. Choosing writing over time hanging out with them is sometimes the right thing to do for your own well-being, and taking care of yourself makes you a better parent and a better role model.
Sarah Adler (Twitter: @sarahaadler)
I think Lauren Groff said it in a recent interview (can’t remember where), but guard your time. Whatever that looks like for you—early morning, late at night, working a few hours of babysitting into the budget—hash that out with your partner/support system and stick to it. I couldn’t agree more.
Carmen Catena (Twitter: @carmcatena)
Make a plan but give yourself the space to fail. It’s okay if you put your pen down for a day, a month, a year because your family needs you. You are still a writer. It will be there when you are ready.
Jackie Bahas (Twitter: @jackie_write)
Give yourself grace, so, so much grace. Both writing and parenting are hard and emotional and at times uncomfortable. But they both have the ability to bring you so much joy and growth. Ask for help, there is no shame in needing other people to lean on. On the bad days, remember YOU are enough. As a mom, as a writer, as a human–there is always a path through the woods. Even if it feels like you are lost, even when the light feels far away, just move forward one step at a time.
Jess A Guest (Twitter: @JessA_Writer)
Concept of time will change. Don’t allow productivity to drive your definition of success. Be kind to yourself. Soften or stretch out deadlines for the early years of child’s life.
Twitter: @Datathinker
I think you can pour your heart into both your children and your writing, but with parenting, change is inevitable. You may be set on writing when your child takes a morning nap, and then that nap disappears and you’ll need to train your brain to be creative at night. You’ll need to be somewhat flexible, but it’s also important to advocate for yourself and your craft. Work with your partner to find the time you need to do what you love while raising the tiny humans you also love.
Lindsey Babuder (Twitter: @LBabuder)
Hopefully whether you have kids (or even if you don’t!), you found something helpful from these amazing women!
