Writing with Littles

Today’s post is a very specific one, but not specific to romance. This one is for the parent writers, more specifically the moms (perhaps I should say primary care giver). Writing with children, especially younger children is so hard. I know because I do it. So I wanted to take some time to talk about it.

When I began seriously writing in 2019, I was married but childless and working full time. I traded blogging for novel writing so I’d have more time. Now, I have a son and still work full time (from home) and have even less time.

The truth is, I was worried when I had my son that it was the end of my writing career. I wanted to have a child more than anything, but also I had been working so hard on my writing. Was it the end of my writing dreams?

I’m happy to say that it wasn’t. I don’t get as much done, but I am still consistently writing. And honestly, it saved me during those early days. When my son was born, I felt like I was no longer a person. I was just the food maker, the diaper changer, the rocker of the crying baby. Not that I didn’t love those things (maybe not the poop diapers and the being screamed at all night), but I felt like I was no longer a person. People asked, “How’s the baby?” but no one thinks to ask, “How’s mom?”

I started back writing when my son was about 3 months old. I had a self-imposed deadline of sorts that I was trying to make, and even though it was awful, I did it. And I think it helped save my sanity a bit. Becoming a first time mom was so hard, but writing was the thing that made me remember I was still a person and not just a spit up covered, sleep deprived, shell of a human (I was definitely that too).

I don’t have a lot of time. A lot of times I have to choose between working on my own writing and reading books (which is why I only read 13 books in 2021). I have a hard time swapping with other writers and beta reading because I don’t have as much time (I do it, but not as much as I would like to). I have learned that I’m not a good candidate for critique groups (as much as I really want to be in one) because I have less time and my schedule didn’t work with other groups. My son comes first. And that’s the way it should be. But it still makes it harder when a lot of advice is JOIN A CRITIQUE GROUP.

I don’t have the answers, unfortunately. Writing with littles is hard, whether you also work full time or are stay at home mom. It’s all hard, especially in a never ending global pandemic. But I have a couple of suggestions.

Set aside some you time.

I know that seems impossible sometimes (Or maybe all the time). Even if it is just 15 minutes to read, it’s something. I write at night after my son goes to bed because that is what works best for me. My friend Carmen gets up and writes at 5 AM because that’s what is best for her. Maybe you have a long napper and you can take advantage of that. Or maybe your kid goes to daycare and you can squeeze some time in that way. Maybe your partner or a family member can take your little one for an hour or two on a the weekend and you can write then. Even if it is just once a week.

Do what you can.

I send myself a lot of emails and make notes on my phone while my son is playing. So even when I can’t be at my computer, I am trying to work on things in the time that I have. Is it easy? No. But I’ve become excellent at juggling. Maybe you do voice memos on your phone while you take the kiddo for a walk (I got one of these recently and I thought it was a great idea). Brainstorm while you put away laundry or clean. You can listen to things you’ve written while you do other things (Sarah Grunder Ruiz has talked about this on her Instagram).

It will get easier.

It is hard to believe when you are in the thick of it, but it will get better. As your kids get bigger, it will get easier. And if you are a new mom, especially a first time mom, I see you and I understand. The exhaustion and the brain fog, it does get a little better (I mean not all the way because my kiddo is a year old and it is still there).

Find other moms to support you.

One of the best things I have done is find other moms who are also writers. I cannot even begin to explain what a different these women have made in my life. (And a very special shout out to Carmen who has honestly been my lifeline). I highly recommend #momswritersclub on Twitter. Everyone is super supportive, no matter what stage you are in. Most of them understand that we don’t have enough time and are stretched to the limits but also have our own dreams. (If you want more info on this, let me know). We are all just doing the best we can with the time we have while also raising our kids and keeping our heads above water.

Don’t give up.

That’s my #1 tip and thing that I want everyone to remember whether you have kids or don’t. Don’t give up. There are going to be hard times, but then things will get a little better. And you’ll figure it out. I promise.

So maybe you are a writer who is thinking about becoming a parent. Or maybe you are a parent who is thinking about becoming a writer. Or maybe you are both, just trying to figure things out. You’ll get there. It won’t easy, but you’ll figure it out.